My ex and I made the decision to separate near the beginning of this year, and we signed our divorce papers a few weeks ago. Let me tell you this from the jump: while this decision is one that comes with a lot of weight, it’s also one that is a solid step forward for everyone involved. As a woman and a mother, choosing to leave my marriage was one of the scarier things I’ve done for myself — and I believe it will ultimately be one of the most rewarding things I’ve done for myself.
I’ve been learning a lot these last few months. It’s been startling to discover that some of my friendships weren’t nearly as solid as I believed; early in this process, a close friend told me that I’ll be surprised by who shows up and who drops out. Y’all, she wasn’t wrong. In fact, this is now one of the first pieces of advice that I’ve given friends who are leaving their own marriages. That and loving yourself enough to want more isn’t a bad thing, and it’s not something to be ashamed of.
One thing that I have been surprised to learn is that getting divorced has meant I’ve needed to draw some pretty new boundaries with my 11-year-old son. This really shook me, because the boundaries are about things I don’t think I would have thought about otherwise.
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