60+ Funny Quotes By Mark Twain

The renowned American humorist and author Mark Twain is well-known for his enduring comic genius and keen wit. Twain created literary masterpieces that still have an impact on people all over the world with a pen as powerful as his sense of humor. Today, as we explore the world of Mark Twain’s comedy, we at Clicky News are delighted to spread joy and laughter. Get ready for a fascinating tour through more than 60 funny quotes by Mark Twain, each of which is proof of his unmatched wit.

Funny quotes by Mark Twain ensure a sincere source of enjoyment, whether exploring the complexities of life and death, love, travel, or the fascinating activities of our furry friends, cats, and dogs. Join us as we explore the charm of Mark Twain’s wit through this selection of funny quotes that will make you laugh out loud and foster a deep respect for the witty humor and wisdom of this literary great.

A dose of humor and literary enjoyment with the help of funny quotes by Mark Twain can be found at Clicky News, so get ready to appreciate the lighter side of Mark Twain!

Funny Quotes By Mark Twain About Life

The great humorist Mark Twain had some insightful observations about life! He considered life to be a grand adventure that was full of laughs and surprises. We’ve compiled a list of amazing and humorous quotations about life from Mark Twain that will help you laugh and find the irony in situations.

The small jokes in Mark Twain’s writings make you laugh and think at the same time. So, if you’re up for a burst of good laughter and some insightful life advice, stay put and enjoy the entertaining journey through funny quotes by Mark Twain,

  • “The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small, manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
  • “Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.”
  • “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”
  • “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
  • “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
  • “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
  • “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
  • “The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
  • “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
  • “Do not put off until tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well.”

Funny quotes by Mark Twain about death

You must be familiar with how everyone talks about death. Mark Twain did, too, but he had a unique perspective. He once said I don’t dread death, I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born and had experienced no inconvenience as a result.

Doesn’t that sound crazy? That, however, is Mark Twain for you! We’ve compiled some of the best funny quotes by Mark Twain about death. So, if you’re looking for a good laugh, check these out and see how Mark Twain can bring humor to even the most serious subjects, such as death!

  • “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
  • “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
  • “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”
  • “To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.”
  • “I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.”
  • We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead — and not then until we have been dead for years and years. People ought to start dead and then they would be honest so much earlier
  • “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest—and maybe make death a bit more amusing.”
  • Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered — either by themselves or by others.
  • “Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all—the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.”

Super Funny Quotes By Mark Twain About Love

Mark Twain was a genuinely brilliant writer from the past, and his funny musings revolve around the powerful and fascinating emotion of love. Twain believed that the power of love might bring lightheartedness into people’s lives and encourage them to act in comic ways.

His teasing remark implies that love is like the instant when two people meet eyes only to hastily look away when something embarrassing happens. We’ve put up a list of funny quotes by Mark Twain for our readers, in case you’re drawn to the sentiments of love and laughter that come with it.

Ready to be delighted as you discover the fascinating realm of Mark Twain’s wit!

  • “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”
  • “Familiarity breeds contempt—and children.”
  • “To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.”
  • Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
  • You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
  • Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
  • “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.”
  • “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”

Funny Quotes By Mark Twain About The Truth

Truth means telling exactly as it is, without any pretense or fantasy games. Mark Twain has some silly ideas about the truth. He said things like, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything,” implying that it’s better to simply state what happened.

Twain also remarked that some people would prefer not to tell the truth because making up stories is more entertaining. If you’re looking for a good smile we’ve compiled a list of the most excellent funny quotes by Mark Twain regarding the truth for our readers. Start to laugh and enjoy Mark Twain’s witty jokes.

  • “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
  • “A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.”
  • “Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.”
  • “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
  • “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”
  • “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”
  • “When in doubt, tell the truth.”
  • “A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.”
  • “Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.”
  • “The difference between a man and a dog is that if you bring a dog into your home and feed it, it will think you are a god. Whereas, if you bring a man into your home and feed him, he will think he is a god.”
  • “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
  • “Never argue with someone who buys ink by the barrel.”
  • “The truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.”
  • “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”
  • “It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”

Funny Quotes By Mark Twain About Travel

People enjoy traveling because it is similar to going on big adventures to new locations, exploring, and having fun. Mark Twain, who was extremely funny, had some amusing opinions regarding travel.

Twain stated that some people exaggerate their trip stories to make them sound more fascinating than they are. We’ve compiled a list of funny quotes by Mark Twain for our readers. Let’s enjoy the funny side of Mark Twain’s view of exploring the world.

  • “The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.”
  • “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
  • “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.”
  • “It liberates the vandal to travel—you never saw a bigoted, opinionated, stubborn, narrow-minded, self-conceited, almighty mean man in your life but he had stuck in one place since he was born and thought God made the world and dyspepsia and bile for his especial comfort and satisfaction.”
  • “Explore. Dream. Discover.”
  • “Traveling is one of the very worst things to do, and one of the very best things to have done.”
  • “Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”
  • “The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.”
  • “I’ve never let my school interfere with my education.”
  • “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
  • “Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”
  • “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
  • “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
  • “To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”
  • “Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”

Funny Quotes By Mark Twain About Cats And Dogs

We all have a deep affection for our furry friends, our dogs, and cats; to us, they are like members of the family. Funny things Mark Twain thought about our fluffy friends. Twain made light of the adorable oddities of our four-legged friends by making jokes about the honesty of dogs and the enigmatic ways of cats.

We have the most amusing funny quotes by Mark Twain about dogs and cats for our readers if you enjoy hilarious situations with your pets.

Quotes about Dogs:

  • “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”
  • “Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
  • “The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.”
  • It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
  • “The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.”
  • “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”

Quotes about Cats:

  • “If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.”
  • “A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.”
  • “I simply can’t resist a cat, particularly a purring one. They are the cleanest, cunningest, and most intelligent things I know, outside of the girl you love, of course.”
  • “When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.”
  • “A home without a cat—and a well-fed, well-petted, and properly revered cat—may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?”
  • “If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”


In conclusion, it has been a lovely adventure exploring the humorous world of funny quotes by Mark Twain at Clicky News. We have discussed his witty viewpoints on travel, love, life and death, and the endearing antics of our cherished dogs and cats.

Not only have these funny quotes by Mark Twain made us laugh out loud but they have also highlighted the enduring wit and intelligence of this literary icon. Therefore, don’t forget to explore the vast collection of humorous quotations by Mark Twain for a little pick-me-up that will undoubtedly make you smile and laugh.

Finally, you may find some funny quotes by Mark Twain at Clicky News, which are guaranteed to make you smile.

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